


Bad Choices of the Drunken Mind (It Speaks the Heart's Desire)

by kensington_queen



Category: Life with Derek
Genre: Drunken Shenanigans, F/M, Mutual Pining, One Shot, Oops we got drunk and hitched, Plot Bunny, Terrible Choices, casey and derek are caught up in casey and derek per ususal, plot holes, what happens in vegas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-22
Updated: 2020-11-22
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:55:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,380
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27671671
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kensington_queen/pseuds/kensington_queen
Summary: Casey looked horrified. “I got married at a place called the Big Pink Flamingo?” She sat down on the bed in disbelief. Derek didn’t call her out on the fact she seemed more upset about the venue name rather than the fact it was him she got hitched to.One-Shot
Relationships: Casey McDonald & Derek Venturi, Casey McDonald/Derek Venturi
Comments: 10
Kudos: 79





	Bad Choices of the Drunken Mind (It Speaks the Heart's Desire)

**Author's Note:**

> This has been sitting in my documents for a few months now. I've decided to post it as is, rather than attempt to further make a longer story. 
> 
> Written while listening to Katy Perry's Waking Up in Vegas.

Casey woke up to a pounding headache with her legs tangled together with a pair of strong ones, a hand wrapped around her waist and another firmly holding her bare bottom. She blinked the sleepiness away, awareness catching up with her senses. A hot breath tickled her face as she looked at her bed companion. She sucked in a breath. Derek. 

“Oh my god,” she whispered, noticing that neither of them were wearing anything. They were chest to chest, one of her hands hugging him to her, the other resting dangerously close to... She blushed, removing her hand from his thigh where it had been almost touching a very hard erection. The movement woke him. His warm brown eyes opened, staring at her with an unreadable expression, shifting slightly. Curiously, he didn’t loosen his grip on her. Somewhere in Casey’s mind sanity tried to take hold, but for a moment she ignored rationality, intrigued by the situation. 

“Morning,” he warily said, as if waiting for the inevitable freak out. Instead, she surprised them both, giggling. She kept going until it turned into hysteria, the kind where the whole body shakes and tears stream down the cheeks. His eyes darkened as she laughed it out, friction moving between their bodies, causing an interesting reaction _down there_. “Are you okay?” His voice sounded strained. 

She buried her head into the crook of his neck, hiding her red cheeks. “We’re such a cliché,” Casey said, giggling again. “Vegas? Really?” 

“It’s not exactly a surprise,” Derek countered, nudging his shoulder so that she had to move and look at him. “This was always going to happen.”

“Oh really?” She challenged, wiggling a bit out of his grasp. “I beg to differ.”

“You always do,” Derek shot back, removing his hands off her body. She instantly missed the warmth and hated herself for it. They sat up against the headboard. A look around told Casey they were in a luxurious hotel room that was decorated differently from their actual motel - where they had completely separate rooms - with a gorgeous view of the city strip below. Clothes were discarded on the floor, her red dress completely wrinkled. There were empty champagne bottles, sans glasses, lined neatly up on the window sill. Remnants of glitter stuck to both her and Derek, and over the bed. An awkward silence engulfed them. She turned her head to find Derek already looking at her. 

“Sooo last night,” he began.

“About last night,” Casey started at the same time. They stared at each other. She groaned, embarrassed. “I can’t believe it happened like this.”

“Like this?” He asked, curious. His lips were stained red from her lipstick, she realized, and his hair was completely dishelved in that, I just had mind-blowing sex, way. A dark hickey at the base of his neck caught her eye. Casey wondered if she had one too. 

“You know what I mean,” she shot him a dark look. 

Derek shook his head. “No, I don’t.” His lips curled up in amusement, belying the fact he completely knew. He just wanted her to be the one to say it.

“I’m not saying it,” Casey crossed her arms, turning away. It was a short lived moment of defiance however when Derek made a sputtering sound that sounded like he was choking. She whipped her head back towards him, frowning. “Derek -”

He grabbed her hand, staring at it. Her eyes followed his line of vision, his eyes trained on her left hand. She gasped, noticing for the first time the band delicately resting on a very specific finger. Derek raised his left hand, a thicker band matching hers. 

(They really were a cliché.)

It took a moment before it clicked in Casey’s mind what exactly she was looking at before springing out of bed, the sheet dropping away with the sudden movement. “Holy shit,” she hunched over, panicking. She breathed in deeply, exhaling. “Holy shit this can’t be happening.”

“Looks like it already did princess,” Derek huffed, tossing her his discarded button down from the night before. He looked away while she stumbled buttoning it up. 

“We can’t be married,” she frantically began searching the room for clues about the night before. “I thought you couldn’t even have a Vegas wedding if you’re a foreigner!” She rummaged through Derek’s jeans before throwing it on the bed. She pointedly kept her eyes away from her step-brother ( _husband_ , shit) as he silently pulled on his jeans. 

“Apparently you thought wrong,” Derek dryly replied, running a hand through his hair. He picked up his wallet from the bedside table, opening it to find crushed up receipts he didn’t remember in it. He cringed at the charges. “$77 for a marriage license,” he read out loud to her, “and $200 for the ceremony at a place called the Big Pink Flamingo Chapel.” 

Casey looked horrified. “I got married at a place called the Big Pink Flamingo?” She sat down on the bed in disbelief. Derek didn’t call her out on the fact she seemed more upset about the venue name rather than the fact it was him she got hitched to. 

“$25 fee from the post office,” he said instead, looking at the next receipt. His handwriting was scribbled on the back of that one, a small reminder to sober Derek courtesy of drunk Derek. “Looks like we mailed our certificate straight to the Canadian government to make it legal.”

“Oh god,” Casey covered her eyes. She looked stunning with her hair loose and messily tangled while only wearing his button down. He wondered why she hadn’t put on her own clothes yet but didn’t voice it. 

“Shit,” Derek groaned, looking at the last of the receipts. 

His step-sister, his _wife_ , uncovered her eyes, a question in her eyes. “What now?”

“$600 for this hotel room, dinner, $500 for our rings, and,” he sighed, annoyed, “tickets to see Cirque du Soleil. That was definitely your idea, not mine.”

“That’s the one that gets you?” Casey asked incredulously. “The fact that we saw a tacky Vegas show, not that you married your step-sister? ME?”

“You’re my step-sister?” Derek mockingly asked, stuffing the receipts away. “Huh, didn’t know that.”

“Apparently I’m your wife!” Casey shrieked, throwing a pillow full force at his head. He sidestepped it easily. Damn hockey reflexes. He seemed rather unphased by the start of her freak out, which annoyed her even more. “Say something,” she demanded, stomping her foot. 

“Mrs. Casey Venturi,” he tested out, smirking. “Has a nice ring to it, Case.”

“Der-ek!” She screeched, half mad. “Oh fuck,” Casey cursed, holding up her hand and staring at her new ring. It was pretty in the morning light streaming from the windows, thin and white-gold with small diamonds going halfway around. It was completely her taste. “Mrs. Venturi,” she whispered to herself. “Mrs. Venturi - shit shit shit,” she spun around, looking at Derek with wide eyes. “Our parents are going to kill us! My mom, oh my god.”

“We don’t have to tell them?” Derek suggested, though it sounded more like a question. He cringed at the way his voice cracked. “Why do they need to know?”

“Because we’re their kids and they think of us as siblings?” Casey started to hyperventilate. “Oh god, Simon. We share a sibling. And we’re married. Oh my god.”

“We’re not blood related, Case,” Derek interjected. “Obviously Drunk Derek and Casey didn’t have an issue with it. Shouldn’t we like, y’know, honor their decision?”

He was bonkers, she realized. Completely bonkers. “Honor it? We need an annulment. ASAP.” She started pacing, thinking out loud. “People get drunk and married all the time in Vegas. If Britney Spears got her annulment in 72 hours, we can too.”

“Uh Spacey,” Derek walked over, stilling her movement by snaking his arms around her waist. She froze at the contact, aware that only his button down and his jeans were the layers between them. “Weren’t you listening? We mailed a copy of our certificate to the government. We’re married until they get it registered and we can, yah know.” He couldn’t quite bring himself to say the D word. Maybe Casey was right. Maybe he really was crazy.

She deflated, pulling away from him and walking to the window. Somewhere out there was their dingy motel, where they were staying with friends for spring break, where Amanda and Duncan were probably wondering where they were - 

“FUCK,” Casey ran to her cell phone. 20 missed calls and 30 text messages, a handful from Amanda, some from her best friend Lucy, and the rest from Duncan. “Check your phone,” Casey frantically told Derek, putting her phone on speaker. 

“You have 12 new voicemails,” the robotic voice started. 

“Hey Case, where did you and Derek disappear to? We’re at the casino about to head off to a club, text me.” Duncan’s calm voice filled the room. Derek met Casey’s eyes across the room. She deleted the voicemail when prompted. 

“Hiya Caseyyyy I’m at the club and you’re not answering your phone are you okay? Dunc seems a bit put out, are you and Derek,” there was a hiccup and a giggle, “being naughty together? What happens in Vegassss,” her best friend’s voice drunkening sang. “I support it, call meeeee back text mee, call me beep me!”

“Casey call me, now. This isn’t cool,” Duncan again, short and to the point. Casey deleted that one too. Derek was scanning his text messages across the room, a serious expression on his face.

“Ohmygod Casey I just saw the selfie from the chapel you sent, I can’t believe you actually did it!” Lucy sounded excited. “Aw why couldn’t I be there though? I coulda been maid of honor! Oooh heads up by the way. Duncan and Amanda.. Aren’t as happy, but uum you never liked him that much anyways right you said he was boring, B-O-R-I-N-G - and he doesn’t like hockeyyyyyyy….” the beep cut off Lucy.

Casey rubbed her eyes, attempting to stop the tears threatening to spill. God she was so selfish, her and Derek both. She felt shameful that she hadn’t been upset about waking up in his arms initially, that she had forgotten all about her boyfriend of three months, and Derek’s girlfriend of six months. Guilt started to ebb at her as she pressed play for the next message

“You’re a back-stabbing bitch,” a shrill voice screamed during the next voicemail. Amanda. “I can’t believe you, I trusted you! You told me there wasn’t shit between you guys! I knew it. Fuck you and fuck him too! I hope you’re fucking happy together you incenstous freaks!” 

“We’re over,” Duncan’s bitter voice filled the room next. “Your stuff is with Lucy, don’t bother coming back to the motel room. … you could’ve just been honest with me you know. Have a nice life,” the sarcasm dripped like acid. 

“I think that’s enough,” Derek strided over, taking her phone and switching it off. 

“We cheated,” Casey whispered, tears spilling over. “We’re horrible people.”

Derek sighed, sitting down beside her on the bed. Gingerly he wrapped an arm around her shoulders, waiting a moment for her to yell get off. When she didn’t, he tightened his hold slightly. “We’re not horrible,” he said. “We’re human.” 

“We’re selfish,” she insisted. “What were we thinking, sneaking out of the casino and,” she gulped, “getting wasted and marrying each other? We’re with other people!” She ignored the little voice inside her head that reminded her she didn’t even really like Duncan, that he had been a way to forget Derek.

“Not anymore,” Derek wrly said. “You said yourself just last week that you were thinking of breaking up with whatshisname.”

“Duncan. You know his name!” She groaned. “But that doesn’t mean I wanted to cheat on him!” Casey wailed. “Besides I thought you were happy with Amanda! Six months is the longest you’ve been with a girl since we arrived at Queens.”

He didn’t contest her words. Amanda came into his life the previous summer while interning at the same production company in Toronto. They had debated over the real meaning behind The Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind over cheap drinks and greasy fries. With Amanda, Derek could pretend better. He could act like seeing Casey date around didn’t kill him inside. Like they weren’t overly involved in each other’s lives, that her opinion didn’t matter the most to him. That the times they went just a touch too far with each other didn’t get his hopes up that maybe, just maybe, they could stop pretending and just be together. 

So the truth about Amanda? She was a placeholder, and that made Derek not just an asshole, but an asshole who had been emotionally cheating their whole relationship with Casey. He didn’t respond to her, choosing instead to fall back onto the bed, pulling Casey down with him. They laid there in silence for a long moment. 

Buzzz, his phone vibrated on the bed stand. Casey sat up, rubbing her eyes again. “I’m going to shower,” she whispered, bolting towards the bathroom. The door slammed shut, leaving Derek alone. The cell phone rang again. Buzzzzz.

“Hello,” he said, leaning back on the bed. The shower was running on the other side of the closed door. His mind supplied hazy memories from the night before of being with Casey, her body underneath his, exposed and beautiful and his to touch….

“Derek,” Duncan’s voice greeted him, eerily calm. Derek had only met the guy a handful of times. How did he get hold of his number?

“Uh,” Derek took a deep breath, deciding to play it cool. “Hey man.”

“Fuck you,” Duncan said. “You’re a piece of shit.”

“So I’ve been told,” Derek dead-panned. “Did you just call to elaborate that point or?”

The other guy gave out a humorless laugh. “I’m calling on the behalf of Amanda, you know the girl it would’ve made more sense to marry while drunk.” Derek didn’t speak, letting him continue. “She says, and I’m quoting directly here, that you can go fuck yourself with a chainsaw.”

“I deserve that,” Derek replied, sighing. “Is she there?”

“NO!” a voice yelled in the background on Duncan’s end. 

“We’ve already checked out of the motel,” Casey’s new ex informed him. “Look, as soon as I hang up, as far as I’m concerned, you don’t exist. I already said my peace to Casey. I’m not even surprised - ”

“You’re a bastard, Venturi! You two deserve each other,” Amanda’s voice took over. “Next time grow a pair of balls, you absolute cu-”

“Bye, Derek,” Duncan cut in, the line going to dead. The bathroom door creaked open, revealing a freshly towel dried Casey in a fluffy robe.

“Did you hear any of that,” Derek asked, tossing his phone to the side.

“A bit,” Casey admitted, gathering up her dress from the floor. She went back into the bathroom, to change before emerging again. “We should get back to the motel, our flight is tonight.”

“Sounds like Amanda and Duncan already left,” Derek told her, tossing his shirt back on. “Wanna change flights? Might be awkward….” 

Casey sighed. “Why are you so nonchalant about this,” she demanded, a storm gathered in her blue eyes. She looked frustrated. “We need to talk about this, Derek. This is not some little oopsie. We just deeply hurt our,” she paused. “Exes, and now all our friends are going to know and think we’re shit people - which we are, might I add - and that we deserve each other,” she gasped for breath. 

Derek knew she was right, but some part deep inside him didn’t care what others thought. “We graduate in eight weeks,” Derek shrugged. “We don’t have to see them again. Besides,” he gave her a look. “We’re both moving to Toronto.”

Casey huffed. “We never planned that together, it's just a coincidence.”

“Yeah” Derek allowed. “But it’s a pretty good coincidence if you ask me.” Casey narrowed her eyes, then started tidying the bed before moving on to the rest of the hotel room. “What are you doing,” he asked, exasperated. 

“I’m cleaning,” she checked the desk, picking up some of the papers discarded on it. “I just found our original copy of the marriage license by the way.” She carefully folded it, placing it neatly into her purse for safekeeping. “We should check out, and go to our motel, and figure out what we’re going to do.”

“What we’re going to do,” Derek repeated. “We’re married, what else is there to do except maybe buy you a better ring? Tell the ‘rents? I guarantee there’s a bet on this exact scenario.”

“You want to stay married,” she looked at him in disbelief. “You’re officially crazy.”

He shuffled on his feet. “It’s not the worst thing to happen, is it? We’ve been dancing around this,” he gestured between them, “since we were fifteen, Case. Clearly our drunken counterparts were tired of it and decided to take action. You know what they say, drunken words, sober thoughts.”

Casey stared at him for a long moment before doing a double sweep around the room to make sure nothing important got left behind. She slipped on her high heels, the ones that she had purchased on a whim during a trip home for the holidays. “Let’s go check out,” she strongly suggested, avoiding his eyes. He followed her out of the room. The ride down to the lobby of their hotel felt too long and too short all at once as they stood beside each other, not sure what to say. The silence gave way to the bustle of the grandiose lobby when the doors opened, momentarily relieving them of the tension. 

The employee at the check out desk lit up when they walked up to it, recognizing them. “Mr. and Mrs. Venturi! Checking out already? I hope it was a great night,” he winked, taking Derek’s key and clicking through the computer.

“It was great,” Derek said, feeling like he had to say something. He glanced at Casey, who stood beside him in stormy silence. “Hey do you have gum? It’s the only way to get my wife to stop talking.” The sarcasm was lost on the front desk clerk, who immediately produced a small basket of complimentary treats hidden out of view.

“Of course sir! What flavor would your beautiful bride prefer? Mint, spearmint, bubble gum…..”

“Der-ek,” Casey sharply said, a fake smile pasted on her face. “That is _so_ kind, spearmint please.” She accepted the gum, an evil glint to her eye. “Maybe one for my dear husband,” she conspiratorially whispered, loud enough for Derek and everyone in their vicinity to hear, “he has bad morning breath, the poor guy. Toothpaste just simply doesn’t cut it.”

“Ha ha my wife is sooo funny,” Derek glared at her as a piece of gum was handed to him. She smiled sweetly with a fierce look in those blue ocean eyes of hers and damn, his heart swooped and he knew he couldn’t bear it to let her go. 

They stepped out together into the hot Vegas sun a few moments later; the future was unsure yet both felt, just below the surface of mutual guilt for hurting their exes and potentially traumatizing their family, excitement. Excitement to have a valid excuse to explore their long buried feelings for each other, a valid excuse to touch and keep touching, to kiss, to have permission to stop caring about everyone's opinions and thoughts on them. Couples therapy, Casey thought, would be the way forward if Derek was actually serious about making it work. But she already knew that he would walk the ends of the earth for her if she ever uttered the words. And he knew that she would follow him wherever he went. 

The sunlight blinded them temporarily, allowing only each other to be crystal clear in their hazy hungover state. 

"Let's get a cab," Derek suggested as the haziness cleared away; she nodded slowly, allowing him to hold her hand as they waited. An old cab pulled up a moment later; it took them far from the glitzy hotel of the previous night to face the fallout that awaited them, together.

**Author's Note:**

> I like think that after months of couples therapy to work out their sh*t, these kids made it last. But not before an _epic_ fallout. I have a half written follow up of George and Nora's reactions and their friends. Keep an eye out for that eventually getting posted, but for now, this is complete as is. Let me know what you think the reactions would be!
> 
> _  
> _Thank you for reading!_  
> _


End file.
